Dia de los Muertos

Last Saturday, we were divided into three groups and our purpose was to make ofrendas. I had Ana Belen (the little one who had already gone home with her mom), the two sisters who never talk to eachother, and Chantal in my group. We did pretty good I thought, with Reyna and Eli communicating through me and Chantal. I really wanted us to get done at 1:00 because hey thats when the girls go home and my day off starts.

So we look up Dia de Los muertos and we like the picture of a Oaxacoan tradition. This was with some scary skeleton lady and other stuff. So we get our 100 pesos and go out to the market to buy our stuff. Our girls actually got us a discount on some styrofoam head thing, which I was proud of. The things we had have were, Pan de los muertos, salt, water, fruit, candles, food that the dead person liked, chocolate, some sugar candy. And other stuff that I dont remember. Anyway my group actually worked together well and we were finishing first and it looked pretty. But then somehow it just didnt look as pretty as the other at the end. Who knows why? Maybe cause we didnt finish until 3:00, but they just kept adding stuff and adding stuff. Ahahhha

Anyway, that brings up a sad truth about my time here in Mexico. I REALLY enjoy my weekends. Well 24 hours of a weekend I guess. Its just really hard with the girls. They get on my nerves really easily. I dont know if its because my time is almost over. If its because Im the kind of leader, the one most in charge of the girls out of the gringas. Maybe its because I actually understand the crap they are saying to me now? Who knows... But I have to work extrememly hard these days to control my temper. Its hard to just be with the girls and enjoy time with them. Because after the week is finished and Ive had to deal with all their bad attitudes and not listening and todo eso, I just dont want to be around them. I want to be by myself. Its hard to know what lesson I should take from this. Is it the lifestyle I am living here (not having any separation between work and life), or am I supposed to learn to deal with this better. I only have 3 months left and I wouldnt want to be like dying to leave. However, lets just say I am looking forward to the end of my time here with some amount of pleasue. heehhe

Back to the point, on Sunday we had a Dia de los Muertos celebration with some of the moms or dads or grandparents of the kids. First, though, there was a parent meeting that we volunteers attended for the first time. It was quite interesting. Sagy asked the parents how the behavior of the children was on the weekends. And can you believe, they said it was better. One of the girls I have the most problems with mainly because of her deeply ingrained (making fun of attitude), her mom said it was amazing how different she was. She gets up in the morning and starts sweeping stuff up. She stays at home and doesnt spend all her time on the street. She actually eats breakfast. Then other parents were like agreeing. Then this mom actually says how do you do it? How do you acompolish this. Sagy just said by forming habits and routine and being firm with them. Then another mom (she cant read and nor can her daughter) began complaining about how her girl still does spend all her time outside with the cousin. She said something about hitting her daughter and then was like how her other child doesnt do this. So then the mother of Ana Belen (20 year old who spent like 11 years of her life on the street, used drugs etc...) says very politely, but very confidently, that thats just not the way to do it Señora. You cant hit your children and you also cant compare your children. You have to love each one for who they are. Let me tell you I was flabbergasted. And, in addition, I felt proud. Like wow, maybe making the kids do all this stuff, always being on their backs is making a difference.

The last thing I want is to wish my last 3 months here away. I can only pray to experience it how God wants me to and not waste any of it.

Oh yeah and it sucks to see Mexican kids here going out Trick or Treating. At first I was like awww I feel more like at home, we have the same stuff. Then, I read an article in the church bulletin about that same thing -seeing Mexican children out on the streets asking for candy when it has nothing to do with the Mexican tradition of putting up ofrenda to honor those loved ones who have died. We have Walmart and television to thank for that. Its somehow different than us embracing other cultures traditions in order to understand people better. They are not doing it for that reason. They are doing it because they think those traditions are cooler or better and how sad is that.

I speak Spanish!!

Well, it has finally happened. The two newest volunteers arrived last Tuesday and the main thing I have learned from their arrival is... I speak spanish. I translate everything for them. And I understand everything that people are saying and they dont. I can tell other people what they are saying.

Of course I will insert many caveats in here, like I dont speak anywhere near spanish fluently and I havent really made that friend in spanish yet. But still, wow. You really can learn just by listening to people speak. I mean studied on my own as well, but not that much because I am generally lazy in the area of independant study. But dude. I can speak another language. Wow. Im on the other side of that awful beginning. Ok it wasnt awful... but still

Tommorrow I am going to Colombia to visit Juan Mi. It is his birthday and graduation this week. I will also have many tests of my spanish there seeing as how I have to actually talk to his parents now. And even though all his friends speak English, they will obviously still speak spanish hanging out. Eeeek But still im looking forward to it.

Then Im going to come back and do a really good job here for the next few months. Also, Im going to try not to stress myself out so much with girls. I have learned that I am a total control freak during this time here. Im not so bad because I realize what im doing. But still, I want everything done on the scheduel at exactly my time and in exactly my way. I think that is what causes so much stress for me because I have to constantly deal with changes and things not going my way. All of it is internal stress. But still. Heh thats what Ive got my spinning class for. The kickboxing instructor still hounds me whenever I see him, but Im always like next week Ill come...

I might not be coming home for christmas. Since Ill prolly be coming home for good in February, I guess it is kind of dumb to pay for the airplane ticket home. But still, I hope Santa Claus still visits me. :( Ill make good long visits to everyone in my family once I get home. Anyway the other volunteers are planning on not going home, so I think I might stay with them.

Anyway, people I speak spanish. Not that good and with an accent. But most of the time I understand people and they understand me.

Thank you God.

Pirated Movies

Its really easy to buy pirated movies here. I just walk out my front door and theres a market with basically any movies you would want. The movies cost 20 pesos, which is about $2. You usually cant change the language or put subtitles on them. You can ask to see a preview of the movies to see the quality. Usually it is a good quality. The only bad thing is you cant use the menu feature.

So far I have bought 2 pirated movies personally. I bought Rosario Tijeras, which is a Colombian movie that I really wanted to see, but it left the theatres before I can see it. I also bought Control Room, just cause I really like that movie. I have also watched tons of others that we have in our house. Im pretty much ok with it, that is until I go to the movies.

At the movie theatres, they have REALLY good commercials against buying pirated movies. The first one I saw had a woman come home with some movies and her mother was like, how can you buy those? The mother answers, I didnt steal them, I just bought it. Then in the next instant, the ladies son is going out the door and she asks him if he studied for his test. He says, no he doesnt have to because he already has the answers. She is yelling at him and he answers, I didnt steal them, I just bought them. The other one I saw has two little kids and they get all sad because they find out that their dad gives them stolen movies. I always feel really bad after I see these commercials.

Seriously, though, everyone does it. And on a weekend, when you really want to see a movie, its hard to resist buying one. Its even harder for the kids. Is it still wrong for them, when everyone in their lives does it and it is so common? I can see the wrong in it, but it doesnt even occur to them.

So one of the girls just bought 6 Barbie movies in one for $2.

I am stuck here with the girls alone all weekend. Should I go buy the Devil Wears Prada for $2 as a treat or should I be an honest and upright citizen.

uhhhh it is so much harder to resisit sinning when it is so much easier to do it.

but maybe its not a sin......

Return to Gringolandia

Well, the Gringas just left. We had 5 students here from the University of Scranton here for 3 weeks. They just left. It was interesting to have them here. For the first, time I really felt proud of my spanish. I was communicating and translating for them. After all those spring break trips where people have done that for me, I finally was able to do it. That was a great feeling and it inspired me to only try to make my spanish better. I need to get back to working on my books. I also just need time. I also need to just practice talking to people. This can include talking to people I was afraid to talk to before.

I am at an interesting place in my year right now. I just had my 5 month anniverary of being here in Mexico City. Ive had about 2 months by myself without any other English Speakers. And in about 1 month I am going to have that again. Then, a month later I will be getting 2 new volunteers. I will have to be their leader basically and train them in what to do here. I guess I kind of feel ready for that... but who would have thought. I am in a pretty good position with my language as well. I know enough spanish to communicate with people. However, there are very few people who know any english that would actually want to communicate with me in Spanish. Meaning that I can communicate with those who dont know English but not at an extremely significant level. This is when i can definitely get better though and I am really looking forward to that.

I went home for about a week and half during the 3 weeks the Gringas were here. It was really awesome to be home and of course it went by too fast. I had a little freak out in the Houston airport because I was surrounded by so many Americans speaking English. I automatically could relate and I automatically had a connection with them!! It freaked me out in a good and bad way. I dont really understand it. Another thing I loved seeing at home was wide open spaces. I drove home with adam from the Charlotte airport and the roads were beautiful to me. So many trees and wide open spaces. I know most people think of Myrtle Beach as some kind of wasteland, but to me its my home. I felt so good seeing it. It was great being with my family as well and of course my 3 little nephews. The day before I came back, I was really tense and scared. I dont know if those words are right, but I had to really control myself to not give into the feeling of not wanting to go back. I know what I am doing here is invaluable experience for me and its what Ive wanted for a while. However, there is something different about it. When I went back to JVC after Christmas, I wanted to go back. I was glad to be home, but I had a life there and I wanted to continue. Its going to take some thinking to figure out what exactly is the reason for the difference in my feelings. Is it the lack of independance. The lack of friends that I can really relate to. Is it being in a new culture. Why is it that I have to tell myself, it is for the best to go back.

School will get out here in about a week, I think. The Mexican public school system is a little weird. We are going to have a big Quincenera and 1st Communions party in about 2 weeks. Then we are going to take the girls on a vacation for a week. Then a lot of the girls will leave for more than a month. So I think I am in for an interesting time. It wont be a total summer break because I will still be doing stuff working, but it wont be exactly the same as before. Hopefully, this change will reinvigorate me and I will be ready to start back with the new volunteers and the new school year.

Dia de los Ninos

Well, today (or maybe Sunday) is Dia de los Ninos over here in Mexico. Im not sure what it means besides the girls have to bring a lot of money to school, they dont have to wear uniforms and they come home with lots of candy.

I had a bad mother moment this morning. I knew Ana Belen got to wear (ropa de casa). She looked really cute too, and then she brought another dress she said she had to bring in a cute little purse. She goes back and forth between being a tomboy and a girly girl. I also had 30 pesos with me because I thought she had to bring that. When I got to school, the teacher looked all worried and was asking Ana Belen where her present was. Turns out she was supposed to bring a present that cost 30 pesos!!! Duhhhhh I dont know why I didnt figure that out. So I told the teacher I would bring the present in a few minutes. There were all these parents standing outside the door too. Hahha. So I was walking back wanting to cry, but not really. It makes me know how English as a 2nd or 5th language parents must feel in the US. Some of them (like Somali Bantus) arent even aware enough to realize something like that though. I brought the present 30 minutes later, so its all cool.

Then I finally had the girls watch Hotel Rwanda. Its kind of bad when I really like something because I hate it when everyone else doesnt like it as much as me. They complained as usual because of subtitles, but they watch many movies with subtitles so I just ignored them. So after a while they all really seemed to get into it. And they even talked about it a lot afterwards. I was really happy. They talked about how George Bush would send for me if there was a war here. That scene where all the whites are leaving is really powerful. I always remember the line, "Jesus Christ, Im so ashamed." I mean, what would I do. I cant say for very sure that I would risk dying to stay in solidarity with those with whom I was working.

Then we had some pizza and more candy!!! I also received a package this week, so I have a TON of candy. This negates my need to go to the Tienda. I like not spending money, but I like going to the tienda, which brings me to the News....

Haha. Eileen, my other volunteer was supposed to arrive on Wednesday afternoon. So I was definitely looking forward to that. I had a cool day Tuesday and I was all excited Weds morning. Then Sagy tells me. Ali , tengo noticias malas. Eileen wasnt coming. She needs more time with her grandpa and had only bought her ticket because she felt guilty. I understand that, but it didnt stop me from crying or wanting her to come. Its really not as weird as you would think to not speak english hardly ever. I really just need her here to share the burden. Not, the physical burden, but the mental burden. I can tell other people about it, but its not the same as having a person that is going through the same thing.

I knew this was important. I definintely would not have chosen this place if I had thought I was going to be by myself. I guess God wants me to discover new things within me.

I still hope she comes back soon. And I do have a lot of candy to keep me company....

Sad....

Well, I feel bad writing this on Easter Sunday - a day where we should be rejoicing. However, I feel pretty bad today. Juan Mi and his family flew back to Bogota this morning. I went with them to the airport and then took a taxi back here. Thankfully, my key actually worked and I got in the house at like 7 30. Needless to say, Ive been crying a lot. It just seems like I will be here for such a long time, I miss Juan Mi, and I dont know when Eileen is coming back.

However, it is only 7 weeks until I am going to the US for Marks graduation. Thats something to look forward to.... Ill need to find something else after that. Hhaha

Even though whenever I finish here, I will probably just go back to my house and work. Its weird, even though I dont really have friends in Myrtle Beach or some active social life - I still kind of enjoy it. Doing all my things I enjoy doing when I am somewhat independant. Being around my family (not always, but mostly). I guess I wouldnt for an extremely long period of time.... I guess its just that Im comfortable and I have control.

Here, I do like a lot of stuff and I actually felt kind of happy before. It was hard the past few weeks, but I kept looking forward to Juan Mi coming. Now... thats over... I do kind of have another week or 4 days without the girls....

I think I actually expected to feel more like this, so its good to have these feelings.

I had a really nice time with Juan Mi. I wish I was one of those lucky people who just happens to live in the same place with the person they want to be with, without having to make any hard decisions.

I saw a lot of Mexico this past week. And then today after some research (mainly just walking by the church several times) I went to Easter Sunday Mass. So that was an accompolishment.

Right now, Im waiting for the girls to come back. Members of their families keep coming by and asking for them. Hhehee None of them wants to wait in the house. Which was good when it was a Dad. But now, even an old Grandma doesnt want to wait inside... I wonder why.....

Anyway IM going try to find a sappy movie to watch or read a book. Juan Mi brought me his 3 books in english and two of them have chinese themes and the other is Atlas Shrugged. However, I just hope they will last me the next 7 weeks, which I think they will.

People at the Door

Im not scared to answer the door anymore. That only lasted about a week. Im actually not even scared to answer the phone anymore, but once im on the phone I get scared.

Anyway theres a man that comes to our door a few times a week. He always brings food for us. He usually brings stuff like Atole, quesadillas, or other stuff I cant describe. Its always really good though. He brings it in a dish and we have to transfer it to another dish, wash it, and bring it back to him. ONe time he brough an animal head. I had a feeling it was an animal head. Then a day later I asked Eileen to open it. It was and that was a very scary experience. Thankfully we had Sylvia take it out of the house on her last day here. I wonder how this man started doing this. Its cool how he contributes to us in that special way.

Then theres another old lady that comes about once a week. She is old and sweet and always saying a bunch of stuff that I cant really understand, but its stuff that doesnt really require a response. Anyway she comes and asks us for food. So one of the girls and I usually fill a bag with stuff like rice, oil, TUNA (we have a lot of Tuna), fruit, and whatever else we have. So we give it to her and she goes on her way.

A lot of people also bring by donations of clothes or other stuff. This is very frequent and happens like once a day. Three days a week, a lady comes by and sells the stuff for us. Its a Bazaar. A lot of people come by. Id say Senora Elenita makes from about $20 to up to $150 in a morning. This is the money we use for everyday expenses like pasaje, extra food for comida, the endless list of school supplies the girls need every day.

Its interesting how everything works together......